Narcissus, a figure from Greek mythology, was unbelievably handsome and so proud that he disdained everyone who loved him. On seeing his reflection in water, he fell in love with it and was unable to leave the beauty of his reflection out of sight even for a moment. He kept staring at it till he died.
Well, there might not be such mythical characters in the world today but there sure are people whose lives revolve only and only around themselves and their needs – the narcissus of the modern world.Dangerous as they are to themselves, it’s even unhealthier to be in a relationship with such people.
We all tend to be a little self-centered from time to time, depending on our situations, but when self-obsession becomes inflated, to the extent that the other person is only concerned about his/her own interest and not about you or the relationship, then you know you are in vicious trap of a narcissistic
partner. It is essentially a psychological disorder and psychiatrists and therapists suggest quite a few symptoms that give away a narcissist. Sounds familiar? Here are 5 tell-tale signs will surely give you indications that you are dating a person with such disorder.
It’s always about “them”– Your partner would always display a “me-first” attitude in everything that you do in the relationship or even in a social environment. Whether it’s as simple as having a conversation over coffee to a serious life-changing discussion, you will always find your partner talking about himself/herself. Even if the subject isn’t about them, they will find a way to weave their own stories and experiences and make the conversation about them. And chances are that they would do this merely to seek attention, which in turn gives them fulfillment, in a way.
Playing the defense card– Did you end up in a bad fight because you expressed your deepest emotions to your partner and he / she couldn’t take it well? Well, that’s a narcissist for you. They are not known to handle intense emotions carefully. Especially, if you are sharing how hurt you were by a certain behavior or a comment, a narcissist would often react with a strong, defensive behavior.
Because they cannot handle being spoken against them, they don’t know how else to tackle the emotion that you displayed about them.
Hard to rely on– Relationships, of any kind, are about reliability – emotional or otherwise. And it shouldn’t be confused with dependency. A healthy relationship is one, where both the partners know for sure that they can rely on the other without being asked for. A narcissist partner, on the other hand, is completely undependable and unreliable. Whether it is a simple thing as getting the car fixed
or expecting them to not share your secrets with their best friend, narcissists lack reliability.
Shifting blame– Have you ever noticed, if something ever goes wrong by your partner, it is somehow turned towards you and you do end up feeling guilty, for no good reason? This art of shifting blame is one of the classic attributes of a narcissist. Because a person with such disorder can never accept a mistake and would always try to put the blame on you or anyone close, for that matter, so they remain
in the clear. The guilt consciousness of the other person makes them feel at an advantage – a coping mechanism to avoid being blamed.
Larger than life attitude– If your partner is projecting themselves through external things and situations, and not really bringing their true self out, know that you are in the wrong place. Described by therapists as the “trophy complex”, a narcissist always needs material things to present themselves, to people, even to the one they are closest to. The incompleteness of their real-self makes them substitute it with things like material accomplishments, retelling their success stories and
living with an unrealistic attitude towards life.
As much as it makes your heart melt to know that there’s someone special in your life, you might need to be careful of who you are with. Even though our relationships feel extraordinary in their own way, being with someone who is only going to give you the shorter end of the stick, is not a healthy way to live or love. Being with a narcissist can be harmful to you as well as for your partner. They do not deserve hatred or compassion – the only thing they need is treatment and proper therapy. And you need to be well aware of your situation, so you can help yourself and your partner.
Simply hoping that they would change one day, will never make it any better. As soon as you discover the signs that point to an exit from the relationship, steel up and get support – you never know life might have something better in store for you!