Flash your rainbow and wear your pride for June brings with it Pride Month. Entirely dedicated to the LGBTQ+ community, this month celebrates an individual’s right and freedom to be and love who they want. Large gatherings unite to lead Pride Parades down the streets of all cities, big and small. They include a number of events that are geared towards anyone who believes that their sexual identity falls outside the mainstream, although straight people join these events as well, displaying their support and acceptance.
Pride is not just about vibrant celebrations but it is in fact also a reminder to society about the oppression and discrimination the LGBTQ+ community has been subjected to for decades. To be denied the right to accept themselves and be accepted by others, for who they are in terms of their sexuality, the community’s fight for acceptance and equality rages on with an inextinguishable will of fire.
As India enters its second year celebrating the decriminalization of Section 377- wherein the Supreme Court ruled that consensual adult gay sex is not a crime – we at Delhiites Magazine took a deeper look into the stories of six individuals who are part of the LGBTQ+ community and what their opinions on the verdict and what the current scenario of the State really is. Has the law been able to penetrate the deep set homophobia which has been passed down generations? Has it been able to break the learnt response to hate something that is different from the supposed normal? Why does there even exist an inconsistency in the way an individual is treated based on their sexual identity and preference?
These individuals share with us their unique stories and journeys of accepting themselves, inspiring us to stand in unity and solidarity with our queer brothers and sisters.
- Param Sahib
Designer by profession and digital artist by expression, Param Sahib is widely known for his quirky brand, Param Sahib Clothing. The king of eccentric, bold, and vibrant aesthetics, Param’s designs and art are a personification of his own personality. While his designs are exquisite what really intrigued us about Param’s style was how loud and vocal his digital illustrations on his art page @parambanana are. While the phrase “a picture is worth a million words” might be the most apt way to describe his work, in reality his illustrations are worth a million emotions. His work portrays the concept of love for all echoing the chant of the LGBTQ+ community.
“My art never started out as a form of activism, it was a medium of self expression. I understood that while we all have our own stories to tell, not everyone wants to indulge in spending their time reading them. That’s when I realized that I should switch over to artistic self expression through digital drawings on media. I would form narratives out of my experiences and draw them down. This allowed me to tell my story without consuming the viewers time and energy. As I developed this further, I realized that my work could be more suggestive and open to interpretation while retaining its authenticity.”
It was during this time that Param discovered the sheer impact his art could have. His inspiration was derived from the misrepresentation of the Sikh community as comical art, binding them down to stereotypes. He decided to create a queer Sikh character who would adopt and represent Param’s narratives to the world. This character is titillating, sexual in nature and extremely open about his sexuality and sexual desires. With his art, Param showed another side of the Sikh community apart from its usual representation as masculine warriors.
“I’ve only ever seen Sikh characters represented with those typical Santa – Banta type comics and that’s when I decided to create this character who challenges how the Sikh community is represented around the world. This character embraced himself in all his glory and was representative of LGBTQ+ activism.”
While his intentions were born out of complete self expression and portrayal of his own creative nature, Param’s art started receiving immense backlash from his Sikh community.
“That is when things really took a turn for the worse. I was receiving hate messages and death threats from all over. People condemned my actions. My work had really sparked something in them for as I recall, there was an instance where a mob of fifty angry men stormed into my studio workshop and absolutely destroyed and vandalized it. I was fortunate to not have been there. They were completely blind sided with rage and even beat up two of my karigars.”
The reaction of this crowd is similar to that of the majority Indian society that portrays hate and intolerance towards the LGBTQ+ community and its members. Even those who are in support and stand in solidarity with the community regardless of being heterosexual are shunned to some extent.
“While this issue got worse day by day I was called for a meeting to talk and reflect on my actions. The meeting, held at a Gurudwara commenced late at night and went on till the early hours of the morning. People especially flew down from different states and cities to witness this. I was made to issue a public apology and was asked to stop creating content which portrayed the Sikh community in this light.”
Param illustrated how this entire experience crushed his soul. He decreased his social interaction and went into self appointed isolation to recover from the trauma this incident had caused. While he hit an all time low in his life, he took this time to recuperate and find a new way to express himself. He was aware that his silence could be the defeat of another voice that had been shushed in the fight for equality for the queer community.
“That was when it hit me. Rather than focusing all my illustrations only on the Sikh community, I would strive for inclusivity. To create narratives where love was not only represented through gender but also through religion. I would draw two gay lovers, one Sikh and the other Muslim to represent that my art was so much more than just exploring the fundamentals of sexuality.”
Param’s art repeats and represents everything that the LGBTQ+ community believes in. We have a long way to go till we finally achieve the acceptance we are fighting for. Pride is a matter of love represented differently than what the society portrays it to be and till then every form of expression is a step closer to achieving that dream.
- Gayatri Kashyap
While most distinguish homophobia as the fear and intolerance directed towards the queer community, on digging deeper into its past history, homophobia is a classic representation of the fear of the unknown. For generations we have been taught that anything that does not comply with the rules and norms set by society is to be considered a misfit and therefore, treated as a paraiah. The problem is not that these “misfits” don’t conform to the societal norms but simply that do not fall under the mainstream category of gender or sexual identity as decided by the majority.
This often leads to the misconception and misunderstanding of what the queer community really is and what they are fighting for. While we have explored the views of queer individuals and their stand on acceptance, there is in fact another side to the story we often turn a blind eye to.
How can we expect someone who has not been exposed to the same ideas, information, and opinions to understand something they are aloof of? The following story highlights an interesting mother-daughter dynamic where even though their ideals clash, their open-mindedness and mutual respect for one another’s beliefs slowly but surely paves the path of understanding and acceptance.
Gayatri, a student from Delhi University shared her story of how she realized she was gay, her own battle with herself and the bigger agenda, how to get her parents to accept her true sexual identity. “I knew when I was thirteen that I was attracted to the female body just as much as a man’s. While I was aware that for a girl the normal thing to do is to be attracted to the opposite gender , I was extremely aware that that was not the case with me. My attraction saw no limits and I knew that I possessed the ability to be able to choose. After putting in some more thought I realized that while it made sense to me, it would sound completely absurd if anyone were to hear about it, so naturally I responded in the only appropriate way I knew and started bawling.”
Denial is a completely natural response to suddenly realizing that you are queer. A thousand thoughts and emotions start darting about within you. You ask yourself a question like, “how did this happen?” and possibly the most frightening thought of them all, “how am I supposed to explain this to someone?”
“Personally I was blessed to be able do my research about this which prevented me from simply borrowing someone’s second hand, beaten down opinion on what was really going on. Discovering the queer community on a place like YouTube was liberating. It gave me the courage to talk to my friends about it. Funny story actually, the way I told my friends that I was bi-sexual was by filming a goofy video where I climbed into a closet and “came out of it.” Honestly, I thought it was genius.”
Lucky to have been surrounded by friends who accepted her instantly, school and social media played a crucial role in Gayatri’s life, as a safe space. While everything was working out smoothly so far, Gayatri’s parents were still unaware of her sexual identity.
“I had made up my mind that before I leave for college I would definitely come out to my parents. Although, it just never seemed to be the right time. Stress from boards was bad enough already, I didn’t want to drop an unexpected bomb on them at a time like that. I also planned to fully utilize that time to bring up conversations about the LGBTQ community, homophobia and surrounding topics to make them more aware of how these things are perceived in the world today. Well, sometime passed and eventually I ended up coming out to my dad. Not sure of how he would react I was pleasantly surprised to see him be okay with it.”
Parental approval and support can make all the difference in an individual’s life. Queer or not, to know that your parents have your back can reduce high levels of stress and be reassuring despite their doubts.
“To be honest I was always a little afraid of coming out to my mother. While I knew that in the long term she would accept me, I had to muster up great courage to actually be able to go up to her to talk only to have all of it fizzle out at the last moment. The way I did end up coming out to my mother was not the most pleasant scenario. I was put in a spot where I had no choice but to tell her even though I wasn’t ready. It should have been my right to choose when I wanted to come out to her and that right was snatched from me. Her reaction was pretty expected when she hit me with the “maybe it’s just a phase.” I had secretly been bi-sexual five years before she found out and I had ample time to figure out whether it was just a phase or not.”
For such a thing to be backed up by the logic of, “it’s just a phase” or “how have you known if you haven’t even tried” is the same logic that can be applied in reverse. How do you know if you’re not straight if you haven’t tried being with a person of the same sex? Why must love be limited to only one orientation ?
“While mum finally came to accept me, things got a lot easier. To be able to openly talk about what the future prospects of my relationships may be like and whether I would choose to marry a girl or boy, with my mother removed the heavy air of awkward tension that loomed over my head at all times.”
- Anurag Arya
Through the journey of accepting yourself for who you are comes the task of breaking free from society’s guidelines for who you are meant to be. Such has been the story of Anurag Arya. Currently working as a make – up artist at Bobbi Brown, Anurag’s story comes with its set of highs and lows but open wide at the road of self acceptance and self love.
“I knew that I was gay when I was in the ninth grade. I had always liked boys but I was in denial. Even after acknowledging the fact that I was gay I convinced myself that that’s not who I am going to be. Back in school I was extremely popular amongst both boys and girls and I didn’t want people to start looking at me like I was weird. I kept up my act of being straight and while I secretly dated guys, I also continued to date girls so as to not bust my cover. I did this out of the plain fear of being bullied.”
These words resonate with so many minds, both young and old. For members of the LGBTQ+ community, accepting one’s true sexual preference has been overshadowed by the deep set response of bullying , harassment and discrimination for falling out of the mainstream. While fear usually keeps their lips sealed, there is a constant war ranging in their minds. They are being torn apart in their minds for accepting who they are or adhering to the norms as set by society. Anurag, like many others, fell victim to the same.
“I didn’t know how to approach anyone to talk about the constant pressure building up inside me. I was someone else on the outside and a whole different person on the inside. It was only when the pressure finally got too much to bear that I acted out which and my mother recognized that something was different. I remember, I was crazy about this boy who wouldn’t want to be with me and that hurt me. It made me upset but had no one to talk to for no one knew that I was gay. I had to keep it all inside and it and to have to hide it every day it only got worse. It got to a point where I decided to run away from home because I believed that nobody would understand me.” With a coy grin emerging on his face he added, “Well I actually didn’t make it too far and came right back home. That is when I knew, I had to address it. I sat my mother and sister down to have a talk with them and almost instantly started bawling. I could see that my mother was aware that I was going through a turbulent time. The worry was clear in her eyes. I couldn’t take it anymore. That’s when I finally let it all out.”
In that moment, to have been able to let go of such a long standing secret, Anurag experienced liberation. Someone, other than him, finally knew the truth and he was not alone in this anymore. “This event resulted in a quick trip to a psychologist actually.”, he chuckled. ” Unlike my previous behaviour, I was actually quite calm and controlled through the session. Even my mum was handling it extremely well. The psychologist cleared some qualms that my mother had and reassured her that this was a good thing.” While this topic of discussion is not brought up at home very often, Anurag expressed that his mother has since supported every choice he has made as an individual.
It wasn’t exactly smooth after that either. As he grew older, Anurag developed a keen interest in make- up and while he was picked on for wearing something linked to femininity in school, knowing his family supported him made all the difference. He went on to pursue his interest and enrolled for a make – up course at Pearl Academy.
“This is when my life changed. I had found liberation. My classes went on from 8 am to noon everyday but I would remain on campus till it shut at 5pm every day. Nobody looked at me differently, I could be who I was without any judgment. I would strut down the walls wearing heels and bright lipsticks and nobody looked at me like I was different. I loved it!”
Anurag found the environment where he could be his unabashed self and that’s when he decided that he had to do his part to make all places safe for members of the LGBTQ+ community. He made it his mission to correct biased and homophobic opinions with logic and kindness. “A person who is unaware of our ideals will obviously not be able to understand them. I try to help them understand that they might not completely agree with our views because they differ from their normal. I have had clients who have been homophobic and assumed so many things about me based on my appearance and confronted me too. I always politely reply saying that yes, I am gay. Yes, I wear make- up. No, that does not make me want to be a girl. I am just a man who loves other men and likes to wear make- up. I try to be the first step to them viewing us as normal. If they’re seeing me as the first of my kind, by the time they meet the sixth or eleventh one, they will view it as normal and a choice as well. It just takes time, acceptance and the ability to see beyond one’s own views.”
- Kenny Awomi
She set the ramp on fire as she walked down her first ever runway show at FDCI’s Lotus Make – up India Fashion Week in the winter of 2019. Trans model Kenny Awomi broke barriers as she opened for celebrated designer Amit Aggarwal’s show celebrating the theme of pride. Born and brought up within a small community in Nagaland, Kenny’s love for fashion has been eternal. “I know this sounds cliche but I’ve grown up watching ramp shows on FTV imagining myself on the ramp and since then it has been my dream to be a model.” Getting her big break at FDCI’s open call auditions for India Fashion Week last year, Kenny was geared to make history. Being the first of her kind, she has been among the few models from the trans community who made their way in a slowly but surely evolving industry. Not just a super model, Kenny is an icon within the transgender community for paving the previously bumpy path of inclusion of transgender males and females and inspiring them to pursue their dreams in the fashion industry.
While her journey in the fashion industry is fairly new, yet steadily growing every day, she shared that it had not always been this easy.
“I was born and brought up in a very small town in Nagaland by a single mother and life was very different back there. Being a small community we were all loved and supported regardless of who we were and that really sheltered me during my early years. I never really had to come out because who I really was was evident and people accepted me for it. I know that most people from the LGBTQ+ community are subjected to bullying but I wasn’t, at least not back at home. I remember my school being extremely supportive about my gender identity. We had separate sections for boys and girls but school recognized me for my true self and let me stay in class with my girl friends and that’s really what most of my upbringing had been like.”
Things quickly changed when it was time for Kenny to embrace her dream in the big city. “People weren’t exactly welcoming you see and as I wanted to be a part of the fashion industry I was subjected to discrimination and rejection simply because I was trans. There was one incident where I went for an audition and when I reached the registration desk to give in my application, they simply just set it aside and told me that I couldn’t even be a part of audition.”
While the fashion industry has surely started to take initiative in bringing about inclusivity, there is still a long way to go. “The industry is not where it should be when it comes to being open minded yet.” While the industry is still trying to implement change, Kenny admits to be doing her part in making both the industry and society more aware by pursuing what she truly loves. “I take it upon myself to try and educate misinformed people about the negative biases formed against the trans community. This will lead to sensitization and acceptance and that is what we need at the moment. I don’t want to just be a model, I want to have the freedom to be a mother and someone’s wife and to be called someone’s daughter-in-law.”
Kenny’s journey portrays the hardships a transgender has to face to find acceptance in society. Her story is an inspiration to many who have been suppressed by societal norms and claimed to be misfits because they do not conform to the “supposed” normal. Yet, with her hard work, dedication and unbreakable will, Kenny has proved that there will be a rainbow after every storm.
- Veer Mishra
“If I trace it to way back in the day, I would absolutely admit that school was not the most supportive place to have come out in the open and admitted to being gay. To be honest, no schools in India are. I believe a huge aspect of this actually lies in patriarchy but another key factor is that I was in a school with a lot of people and that meant that there were a lot of opinions too. Not just individual opinions, but numerous opinions that sort of bound themselves together to form the “popular opinion.” says Veer Misra.
An illustrator and graphic designer, Veer spoke to us about his journey as a member of the LGBTQ+ community and shed some light on how acceptance works and what the current state of affairs in the country is like for this community.
“When it comes to being gay. I would say that I’ve always known since I was 15, but then again, knowing and acknowledging are two very different things. One thing that actually really helped me through this time was the availability of resources to be able learn and know more people who shared similar stories. The internet, YouTube to be specific actually played a huge role in my life. I would actually say that it has been a huge part of my coming out story because back then I was exposed to people like Troye Sivan and Connor Franta.” Being able to associate with stories that are similar to your own generate a feeling or support and solidarity within the LGBTQ+ community.
” I believe it was Connor Frata’s coming out video that really hit me and that led to start watching more coming out videos. A few months after that I came out to a friend and the way this works is when you tell one person, telling the next becomes easier as you go on.” Veer attributes his growing comfort with embracing his true self by surrounding himself with people who he knew were liberal. After being a subject to bullying in school, it’s set in your mind that you only want to keep around those who can really accept and understand where you’re coming from.
“A few months later I came out to my parents. It wouldn’t be fair to say that there wasn’t a period of readjustment and awkwardness. This is something that you can actually expect to happen because you are asking another individual to just reprogram their brain and look at you in another way. It is natural for that to take time, but overall the reaction was actually quite positive.”
On the flip side it is always important to understand why an individual who is close to the person coming out, has trouble accepting something as natural as an individual’s sexual preference. A huge aspect of this is the misrepresentation of the LGBTQ+ community in the media. Being the primary source for most households worldwide, media chooses to report homosexuality only in homophobic incidents. Most often, the act of coming out is perceived as an imminent threat to the individual’s safety as to whether or not he will be accepted for their choice outside the safety of his/her home.
Veer explained how his family coped with the same. ” You actually need to give them time because while coming out is a burden off of your shoulders, it does take some time for your family to readjust. They need their time to understand the nuances of what being gay means. They need to reprogram everything that has been taught to them during their adult lives. It’s a process of unlearning and relearning which naturally takes time. It’s a lot to ask of someone.”
With the decriminalization of Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, there now seems to be a little more hope than there once was as the law protects you from not being punished for performing consensual adult gay sex, but a law is not merely enough to change the mindset of a society as old as our, where ancient opinions have become deep rooted behaviour.
Veer pointed out, “While the decriminalization of section 377 was one step closer towards victory, an extremely hard fought victory too, it is nowhere close to what the actual goal is. Now that private sex between two people of the same gender has been acknowledged, the next step would be amend family laws. This means to integrate queer people into the same set of laws made for straight people.”
In a country with extremely complex systems of identity, we have class and caste systems that are unlike any other in the world. We have multiple points of identity that intersect in just too many ways and must be taken into account while making laws for queer people.
