That day was no different. While strutting my lazy stuff (what do you expect after nine hours of slogging) late in the evening at one of the busiest metros of the city, I saw a jolly face, waving at me enthusiastically. “Is that me?” I wondered! And soon, the suspense got over. The lanky frame was one-minute away, and I could recognize him. I just wanted to go and hug him, saying, “Oh it’s you!” He was no one else, but my former boyfriend. A boy whom I dated during my college days, a boy who was my first love, a boy with whom I parted ways mutually! A boy who was my buddy before being a beau! It’s been seven years since then, and his jaded memories have been faded by now. “You are not going to talk to him ever,” that was the promise I made to myself. Seriously! Here I was, all zappy, perky, talking to him with not an iota of regret. It just felt like a fun meeting. We talked for like fifteen minutes and it was all la la blah blah. I was smiling, he was laughing! What was the universe conspiring? Holy crap!
Later, I asked myself, can we really get talking to our exes ? We break up due to differences and conflicts, and that causes the major canyon rift. And like most of us like to call it, it’s “ugly”. So, how to make that ugly, beautiful? Does the answer lies within us! Yes, the journey starts from you!
1. Go ahead!
When a relationship ends, you are bogged down by all sorts of negativities. “What if! Why not! Why me! I am done! I am tired!” – all these sorts of vague thoughts occupy your mind. De-clutter!
2. Free yourself!
The word is FREE! You have to free yourself, but in order to that don’t fight a battle with yourself. Stop trying to escape yourself, and the situation.
3. Be at Peace with yourself!
Make peace with yourself. Contemplate. The emotional crisis is the perfect time to ponder. Be comfortable with yourself. Exposed to one own self, you will be able to move on with ease, and much more grace.
4. Stop hurting!
“Why did you do this to me?” – stop doing this. You can’t keep on hurting the other person, just because you two have failed to score the relationship goal.
5. Grant forgiveness, seek forgiveness!
No one ever said letting go of grudges is going to be easy. Once you have made peace with yourself, given some time, and are more hopeful about the present, forgive. You should also seek forgiveness if you feel like.
6. Clear your view
After falling out of love, your vision for your ex is myopic. Now is the turn to see your ex in a clearer perspective. See them as they are! They are no more a part of your story. So, you can keep aside your set of opinions.
7. Unfold yourself
With time, you both have overgrown that phase. The time is right to unfold yourself. Your ex is the perfect person to tell you about your eccentricities. Talk to each other and that could be a start of new friendship.
8. Let’s be friends
Letting your guards down will change the game. When you two will first start talking, there’s going to be a bit of awkwardness. The ghost of the “ugly” past continues to lurk around, and both of you may still nurture the emotional wounds. Since you are not someone who is stuck over the past, things will change, slowly and steadily.
9. Casual meets
Being friends with your ex is said to be messy. But ain’t there divorced couples who are cordial to each other? Start a fresh – there are a lot of new things that you two can do together, that may also include getting them hooked to someone.
10. Laugh is balmy
A relationship with your ex is minus all the expectations. You are no more answerable, and thus enjoy this phase. Sit and talk about anything under the sun. You may also find a way to laugh over your own stupidities. That’s the way you grow. If time heals, laugh is balmy.
Relationships fail due to a hell number of reasons, and most of the time it dies because at one moment, we just felt that this is not something we want from a relationship. Reasons may vary, but the emotion of not being together is one – ‘you don’t feel it right’. Don’t go back to the muck, there is no need to time travel to a past that wasn’t promising. You must have learnt a lot during that phase, and what you did was for yourself, and no one else.
Now, my first boyfriend and I are on talking terms. We both feel that we are emotionally mature, and there is no point recollecting what we have gone through at that time. He is not a thick of a friend, but I don’t mind counting on him for a carefree chat over a cuppa. I feel he is cooler than ever, and some boys make better friends than lovers. Isn’t it!
