W e all have that one friend who is not just a secret keeper to us, but means just as much as our immediate family does, if not more. It could be a friend we have grown up with, spent naughty schooling sessions with, or someone we met just a couple of years ago but managed to make all the difference. Our confidante in times of need and our partner in crime. Had it not been for seemingly different looks, we would have been termed as siblings. But just as life is, everything is not always butterflies and rainbows with best friends either. So, what happens when you decide to tie the big knot and your romantic better half does not seem to see your best friend as his/her friend too? You love your partner and your best friend is equally important to you too. And their hostile relationship is bound to put you in a tricky situation. Let us look at ways to work through this unpleasantness. Brace yourself, it’s a bumpy ride ahead.
Be Patient And Give It Time
Time mends everything, at least most of the things. If your relationship or marriage is new and the interaction between your partner and your friend has been limited and just unfortunately timed, don’t stress over it too much. It could be just a bad first impression or a sticky situation that did not work in any one’s favor. If it is too soon to pass judgment, give it a little time to mend on its own. Over more interactions in different situations, your partner can come around and see things from a better point of view. Time has a way of healing and fixing things that we don’t.
Make Them Talk Things Through
It is not just for a person to become a pendulum between two people who are equally important to his/her life. If the situation is not too ugly, let your partner and your friend talk things out between the both of them. If it seems right, then you can be a part of the discussion too, otherwise, it is advisable that they talk it out among themselves. If it was a fight that started it all, they can see eye to eye and resolve it. And in case there are certain traits that bother them about each other, there can always be a mature understanding to avoid the hostility that such feelings bring to the table.
Don’t Go By One-Sided Story
Even though it could seem as if your partner is the only one who has issues, it will not be right to judge the situation just by what he/she has to say. Listen to your partner intently but speak to your friend about it too. Listen to both sides of the story with equal importance and intention of understanding, and be fair about the conclusion you draw. Since they both hold much importance in your life, it is only fair to let them voice out their take on the issue at hand.
Re-consider Friendships
At a certain point, it could be possible that your partner’s not-so-nice feelings towards your friend are reasonable. We get biased towards our friends or fail to notice their flaws and wrong-doings owing to the relationships we share with them. It is a possibility that your partner sees something in your friend that is not necessarily good for your personal growth. It could be negative opinions or a dominating tendency. Now don’t go about becoming anti-social or be mean to them all, but think things through and decide if its time you changed certain equations for the better. Sometimes we need someone else to point out the obvious to us.
Just Plain Old Jealousy?
A common reason for such sticky situations is jealousy. Gauge the behavior and notice if your partner has the tendency to feel jealous often. Romantic relationships can sometimes leave people wanting to have their partners all to themselves. Though this should be a good thing to an extent, it should not overpower an individual’s personal space. Understand if your partner is over possessive or it is you who spends more time with your friend than your partner. While the latter can be worked around, a possessive partner will need major assurances. And if you are the one to fuel the insecurity, then you’d better pull your socks up!
Dig For The Reason
First things first! To find a solution to a problem, you will need to analyze the problem in its entirety first. Find out what ticks your partner off about your friend. Is it a trait, her/his personality, the amount of time you spend with your friend, or does your partner feel that your friend poses a bad influence on you in some way? In order to solve the puzzle, you need to know where all the pieces lie. Look at the problem holistically and not just from the point of view of your partner. Narrow down on the possible issues and take it from there. It will not be easy, but it gets things started.
Be Careful What You Share About Your Friends
As much as we love our friends, we love criticizing them too. Isn’t that what friendship is all about? Remember how after the night out with your crazy friends you just could not shut up about how silly or rowdy your friends are? Well, that does not help your partner to form a good opinion of them. If you constantly share details of your friend’s wrong-doings or objectionable behavior with your partner, you cannot blame her/him for forming a negative opinion of them. Be honest with your partner but highlight the good parts too. Be fair to both of them.
Just Go With It
If you have tried every trick in the book to resolve the problems and get your partner and friend to be friendly with each other and it has still not worked, then just leave it. Not every two people are meant to be friends. The situation does not seem like a pleasant one but it is not impossible to achieve too. As long as the two essential elements are not hostile to each and can come to respect your individual relationship with them, you can manage to chalk out time for your partner and your friend respectively.
